Out into the ether, my resume has gone.  Via e-paper airplane.  

Transmissions may bounce back here.

So, just in case, I'm posting this picture as a sort of homing device.

You've come to the right place, I'm here.

Hire me, please.

U.R. :  you are sweet.
U.R. : and sexy.
I.M. :  you are are
U.R. : and lovable.
I.M. : are
U.R. : you
U.R. : are
I.M. : you
U.R. : you
I.M. : you
U.R. : i have to grab my compass and ruler and get to work...
I.M. : ok, <3
U.R. : I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I.M. : you
U.R. : you

** "U.R." / "I.M." are not actual intials.**

-

     

20 years later, i found him in the woods.

  i ain't ever letting him go, no, not never.  

i <3 Radio Lab & William Hoffman

 

yes.  you see now.

hi, hello. i'm a lamp. it is hard to tell in this picture, i know.
but it is true.

Oh my. I'm tired. & damn, those flowers are lovely. Seltzer too. I'd like some magic right now. I'd make my friends happy. I'd make your friends happy too. I got fluoride poisoning over the summer, gives you (me) an overpowering taste of soap in your (my) mouth. Sometimes I think I still taste it, maybe its all the curse words. Magic is a kind of curse too I suppose. Better leave this happiness stuff to all the friends to take care of themselves. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth, fills me with heavy metal. I'd rather be filled with love, so light & airy. So easy to share. I have that for you all.

Welcome 2010. I've been waiting for you, this newest year I know.
I know, I know...
Its cold out & I have a cold I cannot shake. This cold, its new this year. & I'll take it. Colds are infinitely better than head injuries. Head injuries are so 2009.
Not to dis on '09. Don't get me wrong. That's not what i mean, that's a whole year!
'09 was curvaceous. '09, up down & all around. New lows & new highs, action packed was '09.
But 2010, its gonna be on the better side of really good, ya'know.
2010 is about the Love colab. every form of it. The get in good. The snuggle up.
If one was waiting to exhale... well I've got your year over here.
2010 is pleasing to the touch. 2010 has less pollution overhead & therefore is for the easy breathing. The asthmatics year for athletics (that's a metaphor).
Tell me your Love, I love it.

KXDF radio on.

(cell phone ringtone: "ring.ring.")

(cell phone ringtone: "ring.ring.")

Good morning nighttime!!!! This is Pat Path & welcome to the only show in talk radio that celebrates if not appropriates the concept, the act, & the lifestyle of cell phone communication while driving. DRIVER HELLO! if you can make a left turn while typing out a text message then don't touch that dial, this show is for you Mr. & Madame Multitasking America! what is up with these laws trying to penalize us for being productive, being communicative & getting things done! why, imagine if Gandhi had, had a cell phone! Future is now folks! & i see all y'all speeding around town tonight have a lot on your minds so lets get some things off our chests while are doing other things! I'll be hemming a pair of trousers & packing my kids' lunch while answering your calls!

& what are you doing? Driver Hello!

Driver 1:
Hey Pat! This is Kathy Cahill & I'm running some errands before driving down to Virginia beach on vacation tomorrow!

Pat Path:
Hey Kathy! I bet you'll be using your drive time to catch up on lots of things before hitting that beach right Kathy!

Driver 1:
You bet Pat! I have two conference calls scheduled & a couple of quick calls to my lawyer & mom to make too! I-95 is a straight shot & i see no reason not to get more done while there is such smooth sailing! Right Pat!

P.P.
That's right Kathy! Well enjoy the vacay & don't forget to also text at the station! KXDF Where the talk ain't cheap, its free! (your phone plan's texting fees may apply)

Sounds like Kathy has the right idea! & now our call board is really lighting up!

Driver Hello!

Driver 2:
WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! DRIVER HELLO! DRIVER HELLO!

P.P.
Hello there Driver! who are we hearing fro-

Driver 2:
WOOOOOO! I'm calling from a jet ski down at the marina!!!!! My name is Lee! WOOOOOOO!

P.P.
Well, Lee! You've just made KXDF history! I don't think anyone has called in while driving a jet ski!

Driver 2:
WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

P.P.
ha ha ha, sounds like someone is having a good time boys & girls!

Driver 2:
Pat! Pat! seriously, i don't know how people don't do everything while on the phone! WOOOOOOO!!!!!! it's like, it's like Star Trek but now! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Later dude, gotts to call my lady now! WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-

P.P.
Now that ladies & gents is a man who knows how to live! Ya'know, i heard Tom Cruise was on the phone with Katie Holmes while doing all his stunts for Mission Impossible! A nation of thrill seekers we are!

Driver Hello!

Driver 3:
Hey Pat Path, this is John Camdenson, first time caller long time listener. well, in between other calls that is!

P.P.
That's the spirit John!

Driver 3:
& well, i just gotta share the most amazing story with you & your listeners Pat.

P.P.
America is all ears tonight: uptown, downtown & crosstown!

Driver 3:
Great Pat, thanks, so I am the sales manager for Richmond Supplies servicing the entire Eastern Seaboard & therefore clock a lot of hours behind the wheel of my trusty Hyundai.

P.P.
Dependable car.

Driver 3:
yeah, she's a my trusty steed, anyway, I've a got a couple of little ones back home i don't get to see much & the other day. Pure coincidence i tell you! My ex-girlfriend called me up to read me the ol' riot act about something, almost wished i hadn't picked up, ya'know what I'm saying..., but she was holding our littlest one, Madison, & right in the middle of my ex's tirade Madison said "pants". Her first word Pat! Her first word! "pants"!

P.P.
Wow John, that's something else!

Driver 3:
I was the proudest Dad on I-80 I'll tell you that much! "PANTS!"

P.P.
There you have it folks, if that doesn't make the case for driving while talking on the phone then i don't know what will! Its official! My heart strings have been tugged, done & done.

& now I'm taking a look at the KXDF text message bank, lots of great texts coming in!

Jen P. texted in "Hello Driver Hello!"

Kevin texted in that there is a "tractor trailer flipped on rt 35". thanks Kevin, I'm sure a lot of our listeners will be grateful for that info! re-route! re-route!

& Lauren texted "I'm getting a ticket for speeding right now, sux". oooh, sorry to hear that Lauren! but don't let the man get you down! now lets take another call!

Driver Hello!

Driver 4:
Hey so I was thinking, this James by the way.

P.P.
Thanks for calling in James!

Driver 4:
Yeah sure thanks, so what if OJ had a cell phone when he was in that car chase in LA? Do you think he would have gotten away to Mexico or something because he could have cut a deal with the cops without having to stop?

P.P.
Um... Well James, I think that may have been possible? Although the LAPD are a smart bunch so they may have out smarted him anyway.

Driver 4:
Oh. (dial-tone)

P.P.
OK, well yet another example of creative minds at work! I sure wouldn't mind a trip to Mexico!

Driver Hello!

Driver 5:
Hi Pat!

P.P.
Well Hello Driver! What's your name sweetheart!

Driver 5:
Oh, this is Pamela Scott! & I just wanted to point out some useful examples why driving & using your cellphone is important.

P.P.
Well thanks Pamela! I'm sure our listeners would love to hear all about it!

Driver 5:
OK, so for example, i was on my way home from work & my mom called to tell me that she was working late & that i had to feed me & my brother so i called the pizza place & the pizza guy got to my house exactly 3 minutes after i got home! my brother was so psyched he did the dishes after & I didn't even have to ask him, & that like NEVER happens.

P.P.
Now that's what I call timing!

Driver 5:
Totally, OK & also, this other time when i was on my way to Six Flags & I was low on gas & was hoping to find an Exxon gas station so I just texted Google "exxon" & what road I was traveling on & they totally got back to me with 3 listings in like, half a second I swear.

P.P.
See, where would any of us be with out our cell phones on the road, indispensable!

Driver 5:
Totally! Shout out to Bethany & Terry & Cedar Fronds High School East!

P.P.
Thanks Pamela! Ok Drivers & Drivettes! That's all the time we have for tonight! Keep that peddle to the metal & that thumb to the send button! Driver Hello & Driver Goodnight!

***